Greven's Day Off
by HaloBlack
Summary: Greven Il-Vec is suffering from a touch of work related stress, but what will he do when gasp HE'S GIVEN HIS FIRST EVER DAY OFF?
1. Default Chapter

Greven's Day Off  
  
Authors Note: I don't own M:tG, but if I did it'd probaly be a lot like this fanfic. And nobody would buy it. Yup its another horribly OOC fanfic from good o' Halo_Black. You may worship me now.  
  
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**It was a lovely bright, sunny morning in Rath...not that it matters what the weather was doing. The charicters in this story can't see what its like anyways, their all in the Stronghold. Which, insidently, is built into the inside of a volcano. Toasty.  
  
Anyways, Greven Il-Vel woke to the sound of his alarm clock beeping at him. Squeeling at him actualy. He'd smashed it into smithereens so many times it no longer made the noise it was supposed too. Today was no exception. The quilt sturred and Greven's bloodshot eyes came into view. A huge fist emerged from under the quilt and slammed down ontop of the alarm clock.**  
  
Greven: *grunts and falls out of bed*  
  
**And so the mighty Commander Greven Il-Vec started his day. Unfortunatly, due to Volrath fiddleing with Greven's genetic make-up, Greven was not a morning person. He guzzled down a gallon or two of coffie and made his way to the throne room. As second in command to the ruler of Rath, Greven had to find out what the fat git wanted him to do. The fat git was the current ruler and the current ruler was Crovax. Greven walked into the throne room.**  
  
Crovax: I'm not fat, I'm big boned!  
  
Ertai: Look, all I'm saying is that a diet wouldn't hurt...  
  
Crovax: *Looking horrified* But...I'd have to eat SALADS!!  
  
Ertai: Its good for you.  
  
Crovax: Ha! Tell that to my Uncle Hubert! He was asulted by a stick of cellery!  
  
Ertai: Eh? o_0  
  
Greven: Please my lord, don't go into detales...  
  
Crovax: Greven? What in the name of Urza are you doing here?  
  
**Crovax attempts to stand, but his big butt is stuck tight in his throne. Ertai wanders off, muttering about Mr Motivater, aerobix classes and slimming spells.**  
  
Crovax: Yeah! *waves his fist at Ertai* You better run away! Ya floppy haired waste of space!  
  
Greven: My Lord?  
  
Crovax: *still yelling at Ertai* My lard collection takes up less space than you! And I've got two rooms devoted to it!  
  
Greven: *snaps* OI! FATTY!  
  
**Greven yells so loudly that he's heard by Gerrard and the crew of the Weatherlight, who are currently on another world.**  
  
Gerrard: Aha!  
  
Sisay: Ah crap!  
  
Stark: What?  
  
Sisay: *rolls her eyes* Gerrard just said "Aha!"  
  
Karn: We're doomed.  
  
Stark: Not if we run away and hide.  
  
**Meanwhile, back in the Stronghold, Greven's amazingly loud outburst shocked Crovax so much that he jumped out of his throne. Stunned, the mighty (fat.fat.fat.) and terrible tyrant of Rath looks around in suprise. Finaly, as if for the first time, he notices Greven.**  
  
Crovax: Greven? What are you diong here?  
  
Greven: .  
  
Crovax: And why is your face so red?   
  
Greven: Grrrr...  
  
Crovax: Is that smoke coming out of you ears? I told you to lay off those elven take-aways!  
  
Greven: *snaps* ARGH! FAT SON OF A MINOTAUR!  
  
Crovax: *compleatly obliviouse to Greven's outburst* You don't look so good, take today off! I'll share your duties out between Ertai and that mog over there *points at the mog*  
  
Mog: Duur?  
  
Greven:*suddenly develops a nervouse twitch.*  
  
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Poor ol' Greven. Will he ever catch a break? Will Ertai ever get Crovax to diet? Will Crovax ever gain a brain cell? Woll that Mog survive the next chapter? Well, read it to find out. 


	2. Squashed Mogs and Wrong Turns

Greven's Day Off  
  
Authors note: Still don't own M:tG. Damn.  
  
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**Greven leaves the throne room. As he walks out of the door a large weight appears from thin air...and drops on the Mog Else where, outside the Stronghold...**  
  
Elric: IN THE NAME OF ARIOCH!!!  
  
Moonglum: What is it friend Elric? What ails you?  
  
Elric: We're in the wrong fanfic!  
  
Moonglum: I told you we should have taken a left at...oh, wait...never mind, I've been holding the map upsidedown anyways.  
  
Elric: ¬.¬  
  
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Well...that was short. Never mind, they'll get longer. Read on my friends... 


	3. WILD AND UNATURAL!

Greven's Day Off  
  
Authors note: Okay, I appologise for the last chapter...but you gotta admit it was funny. And Elric and Moonglum were in charicter for a whole two lines! Count em'! 2! That gotta be a world record for me!  
  
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**Greven has calmed down since his little outburst and is at a loss for what to do. So he catches a lift up to Crovax's private museum. Anyone who's read the novelisation of Nemisis will recognise it. Its the one with the stuffed Elf with the squishy eyeballs. 0_o **  
  
Greven: *talking to the stuffed Elf* Now what am I supposed to do.  
  
Stuffed Elf: *deaded!*  
  
Greven: *stomps his foot and has a mini-strop. 5 year old style!* Waa! You're no help! *kicks stuffed elf*  
  
Stuffed Elf: *still deaded. Falls over!*  
  
**Meanwhile, back aboard the Weatherlight with Gerrard and crew; Gerrard has called a meeting of uttermost importance! Everyone is there: Karn the gollem, Tahngarth the minotaur, Squee the goblin cabinboy, Miri the token cat warrior, Starke and Hanna, Sisay and Orim; the female members of the crew. Did I mention that Gerrard was there too? No? Well he is! And he's currently droneing on to the crew about...stuff...while they all ignore him.**  
  
Hanna: Starke?  
  
Starke: Yeah Hanna?  
  
Hanna: Didn't you die?  
  
Sisay: She's right you know. Volrath wasted you. Lots!  
  
Hanna: You were extreamly deaded! Actualy, so was Miri...  
  
Starke: o_o I...got better.  
  
Orim: Where is Miri anyways?  
  
Starke: Uhhh...she's kinda useing her litter box right now...  
  
Orim: Eeew! Starke's been watching Miri pee!  
  
Starke: Ack! I most certanly have not!  
  
**Back at the Stronghold; after pokeing the stuffed elfs squishy eyes for a while, Greven realises that the plot is going nowhere. So he desided to do something. Domething that, for his, is WILD AND UNATURAL!!! He sneaks out into the gardens, where Ertai is attempting to chat up some big chested elf babe, and hides behind a bush.**  
  
Greven: *whispering to himself* Pretty damn convenient, him aranging to meet her by the lawn sprinklers like this...*struggles with his armor* ..curse this metal cod-peice! Why the hell do I wear it anyways? It only stops people from decapitating my family jewels during battle...oh, heh, silly me. I forgot about that...*carries on stripping.*  
  
**While Greven's wrestling with his armor, Ertai is wrestling with...other things. He's tried every smooth line he knows. Compliments, jokes, soppy love poems, chocolate, money; you name it, he's tried it. And still the elf babe isn't interested. Finaly, the young wizard can take no more.**  
  
Ertai: *whineing* C'mon? Please? I wanna have sex! I wanna get laid!  
  
Elf Babe: Like, totaly no way!  
  
Ertai: Pleeeaase! I promise I'll phone afterwoods!  
  
Elf Babe: Nope.  
  
Ertai: But I'm house trained! I put the toilet seat down! I swear!  
  
Elf Babe: ...well...  
  
**Then, to Ertai and the Elf chicks horror...Greven runs through the lawn sprinklers in frount of them. Wearing only a smile and a pair of socks.**  
  
Greven: Weeeeee! I'm naked!  
  
Ertai: Argh! I'm Blind! 


	4. Snapdragon delight

Greven's Day Off  
  
Authors note: 4 chapters? My longest story ever!  
  
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**Greven is trying to get his armor on again. Only this time he's trying to get it on while dodgeing spells and running away from an enraged Ertai.**  
  
Ertai: Bastard! Now I'm never gonna get laid!  
  
Greven: Ah, put a sock in it ya whiney brat! *jumps over a flowerbed* I get more women than you do! You've got the sex appeal of a can of spam!  
  
Ertai: *attempts to jump over a flowerbed* How dare you, you~*ack! *gets eatten by flowerbed*  
  
**Greven skids to a halt, narrowly avoiding a particualy savage looking garden gnome. He wanders back to look at the flower bed that ate Ertai.**  
  
Greven: Well waddaya know. Those Snapdragons Volrath planted did bloom afterall...  
  
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The horror continues...next chapter... 


End file.
